listening to the cure

a forest


the place where i want my body to be found

dead.

this is my fantasy
i think
i imagine
i lust for this thought

what the hell is wrong with me?

in the dark
to hear her voice
into the trees
into the trees





into the trees///////////////


lost in a forest

all alone.

confessions of a depressed, but medicated girl

The truth is, I somehow find comfort in my mental illness. Yes, I said it: Mental Illness. Eff You, that's what it is, and I'm not ashamed to say it. It keeps me from working and functioning many days and definitely affects my personal life. My relationship went to all hell. Well, that is quite another story. You see, my most cherished relationship; she has decided to change her gender identity. Now, does that call for some Xanax or what???

The medications I am taking keep me from crying daily, self-harm, writing mad poetry and thoughts of (and maybe one day ATTEMPTED) suicide. Good. Keep taking the meds, hun. Get rid of the girlfriend and get your ass to work. One day at work, while keeping a stiff upper lip, I had this kind of break-down and had to go in a quiet place and just lose it completely. It was so humiliating. (That was actually during a time when I had let myself and talked myself into thinking 'nah, I don't need to keep taking that shit.' oh, yeah, right!)

So now here I am, 6 weeks later, settling in to some Depakote and some other little pill. Feeling just flat and bored with life.

I'll write more later when I give a damn.

gigi

I did it... I have found my new career path... ART GALLERY Marketing!

So I lost my dumb second job (that I hated anyway, but was paid excessively, so somehow that made it okay) and was thinking: 'FUCK THIS SHIT!'
'I don't wanna do just a "job" any-fucking-more.' So, I decided to go for what makes me really happy. Art.
I can sell, CHECK.
I love art, CHECK.
People love me, CHECK.
I am so there. It was just a matter of trying something completely different that I didn't have any experience in. Scary. Risky. But, it's what I wanted to do. With my LIFE!

I fixed up a new resume and focused on those qualities that will accentuate the positives. I went down to the Arts District and hunted for a gallery- any one will do. What the hell, it was a long-shot anyway, right. Found parking and walked in the door. The gallery owner/artist LOVED ME! And... the rest... my dahlings...

well, the rest will be spilled out here on blogger, I am sure.

If you live in the LA / OC / LB area, and want to find out about my new gallery... please contact me.

My new home for blogging...

I don't want to be like everybody else. Never have. ask my mom. One might ask "is that why you cut your hair super-short" or "is that why you don't have a bank account" or "is that the real reason you decided to become a lesbian"???

Ahhh, ignorance, the fruit-pie of America.

No, my pets- to all those questions. I am me. I have my reasonings and my defiances, and yes, at times, I'll admit to being an attention-whore.

Stay tuned for more of these ramblings.

summer poetry from gigi: No Missed Calls

No Missed Calls

Thoughts that run sideways

Moonlight shines through sunroof

Song sings through speakers

Cool summer night that wishes
To be shared....

Once upon a summer night a girl stood alone

Missing the one that held her heart

Patient as the memories fade

Looking forward
New friends encourage

Once two people, now she is one

How strange this feels

Just laundry for one

Set table for one

Late, the hour approaches

No voicemail

No missed calls

Purring rhythmically, her cat the confidant

Once upon this cool June night

Breeze slows sideways thoughts

Its late the clock says

A new day awaits

6/17/06